3 December 2012

Motherhood and Guilt: What They Didn't Tell You

"never mind the perils of motherhood what about babyhood?"

9 weeks ago my life changed for good, I knew it was going to happen I'd even thought I had prepared myself for it.....but nothing prepares you for motherhood. Caring for another person wholeheartedly has it's rewards and it definitely has it challenges. Know one tells you about how overwhelming everything seems in the beginning, how the pregnancy hormones have you thinking you are the most selfish person one minute and the most fortunate the next and know one tells you just how bloody hard it is! 



For me it's not the sleepless nights or constantly being covered in vomit/poop/pee that are so hard, but the loss of spontaneity the kind you can only have a single girl with no worries and what's even harder than that feeling, is the guilt!
The guilt for having such a feeling when everyone is telling you that you must be basking in the glory of motherhood. I've found that guilt plays a major role in motherhood guilt that you are not a good mother, guilt of having thought of something other than your baby more than once a day, guilt about breast feeding, guilt about organic nappies the list is endless. Most of us do not fit the perfect mother mould portrayed by perfect baby bloggers, celebrities and that perfect mum at mother & baby group who never turns up to baby massage with sick on her shoulder. (you know the one, she doesn't believe in dummies and her baby wears only organic cotton)


I'll be the first to hold my hands up and say I'm not perfect, I have left the house in a rush with my jumper on backwards, realised at 6pm that I haven't brushed my teeth, allowed the TV to babysit my child on a few occasions and sat in the corner crying my eyes out because I convinced myself that my baby was plotting against me! 


And I bet a lot of these 'perfect' mums have done the same, thrall the pages of Mumsnet and you'll find a barrage of women admitting to finding motherhood hard and many even lie about there achievements due to the pressures put on them by others. So next time you see the 'perfect' mum with immaculate make up, know that she probably woke up in the middle of the night to do said make up and is a zombie on the inside.....(or on drugs)
Once you get over the guilt of the things you feel you are doing 'wrong' you can bask in the glory of all the things you are doing right and all the magical moments between you and your baby.

I've stopped feeling guilty about Freya having a dummy, or the fact that I now only breastfeed at night or that I don't like mum & baby group as most of the mums are just a bit dull (sorry) or that sometimes I miss being able to do whatever I want! I'm human and so are you.


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